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Like an Eel on an Oily Slide...

It's May, the 5th day of the 5th month, to be precise. Our house went on the market two days ago and we're currently in limbo land, waiting for the right person to fall in love with this big eyrie in the hills. I've had a strange month, feeling moody and intense, caused mostly by the bizarre functions of a 45 year old female body, but no doubt enhanced by the stress induced by the uncertainty of moving one's whole life across the country. In four decades I still haven't learnt how to sufficiently calm my nervous system when things are up in the air. In spite of rational thought, meditation, deep breathing and soothing music my mind still likes to act like a rat on a wheel, spinning round and round and going absolutely nowhere fast. So not for lack of trying to change things, that's just how it is.

I've been back on social media for a few weeks and slid back into the fray like an eel on an oily slide. This morning I woke up, did the doom scroll and went 'enough is enough', so the app is deleted again and I've resolved to post once a week, along with a blog post. It's enough for me - I'm too susceptible to the madness and too easily distracted by all the silly videos and nonsense. So, it's time to lean back into the quiet emptiness of open ended days in the studio. Although, having said that I think I'm wishful thinking 'cause once this house sells it will be 'all systems go!' around here.

Earlier today I went through drawers of recent work to find pieces I want to put in an upcoming exhibition and I was so enchanted by my own drawings. It feels odd to say such a thing, but it's true - I actually felt reluctant to offer anything up for sale. I've never really liked my own work in the past, always feeling inadequate and like a bit of a fraud, but something has shifted and I'm producing work that feels more like me - more authentic and true to my vision of an ideal world. In actuality it has a lot to do with ceasing caring about making sales and worrying about whether other people like my work or not. I totally watered things down for a long while there because it kept selling and getting likes. But, there are only so many watercolour whales one can paint! Haha!

Anyway, I'm continuing to draw amidst the chaos of moving, but it has slowed down considerably these past weeks. I get a bit silly when I go on creative fasts so I'm focussed on making time to draw even if it's just a little bit every day. I'm not sure how much I'll have to show or how long it will take me to get back into a regular creative routine - 3 months, 6 months, a year? Who knows? In any case I'll no doubt be back here to share my thoughts as often as I can - I do so dearly love a good blog!

Check ya later salty friends. Big love!


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